When we talk about parenting, everything in a person’s life revolves around their sense of worth. Self-esteem, sometimes referred to as self-value or self-respect, is the perspective we have of ourselves that influences our actions and choices. Strong self-esteem motivates us to overcome obstacles, attempt novel experiences, and have confidence in ourselves.
As parents, we make every effort to help our kids develop strong self-esteem. However, we occasionally misjudge the appropriateness of our words and how those choices affect the self-esteem of our kids. We are only human, after all. We must be careful that the mistakes we make in how we interact with our kids and teenagers don’t have a detrimental impact on them.
Parenting mistakes That Erode Children’s Self-Esteem
Parenting – Parents needs to fill a child’s bucket with so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.
Screaming and hitting.
Yelling and striking are the two worst things you can do to yourself. When you yell and slap your child, you exhibit poor impulse control while trying to de-empower them through a tantrum.
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What sort of life lesson is intended by that?
Yes, the majority of us have yelled. My children have been the subject of my yelling and, in a few rare instances, my grabbing. I’m not proud of this, and I want you to recognize, as I did, that when we yell at or hit our kids, we are bullying them.
Although it may appear that you have been successful in persuading them to quit their offensive behaviors, it is only a temporary solution, and in reality, all you have done is make them feel inferior.
Parents’ yelling and striking prevents your child from having a positive conversation to solve problems, resolve disagreements, and increase self-esteem.
“Parenting will eventually result in odd conduct, and I’m not just referring about the children’s behavior, no matter how gently you try to mediate. They always act in a typical manner.” – Cosby, Bill
Allowing them to avoid accountability
While you might believe that having to perform chores will make your children miserable and increase their stress levels, helping out around the house can help them develop into more responsible adults.
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They experience a sense of mastery and accomplishment when they perform age-appropriate tasks. Thus, whether you ask your child to take out the trash or help with the washing, duties give kids the chance to feel competent and capable of doing the job.
Stopping them from making errors
It’s difficult to witness your child struggle, face rejection, or make a mistake. When this occurs, a large number of parents rush to save children before they fall. Nevertheless, prohibiting kids from making mistakes deprives them of the chance to practice recovering from errors.
Mistakes can be life’s best teachers, whether your child forgets their cleats before a crucial soccer match or answers a few questions incorrectly on a school test. Each one offers them the chance to develop the mental fortitude they need to do better the next time.
Looking for perfection
Although having high expectations is great, going overboard can have negative effects. Kids who perceive expectations as being too high may not even attempt or may believe they will never measure up.
Provide precise long-term expectations instead, and establish checkpoints along the route. Help them set short-term objectives along the route, such as achieving good grades, finishing their homework, and reading, for example, since attending college is a long-term expectation.
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Yes, keeping your child enclosed in a safe space saves you a lot of worry. But, protecting kids from difficulties hinders their development.
Consider yourself a mentor rather than a protector. Even if it scares you to let go, let your children experience life. You’ll give kids the chance to develop faith in their capacity to cope with whatever challenges life presents.
Keeping them away from their feelings
It’s tempting to make your kids feel better when they are unhappy or to soothe them when they are agitated. But, our responses to our children’s emotions have a significant impact on how emotionally intelligent and confident they become as adults.
Teach your children how to self-regulate and assist them in identifying the things that set off their emotions. In order to help them deal with their emotions in the future in a way that is socially acceptable, give them a framework that explains how they feel.
Using ironic language.
If you say things you don’t mean and suggest the opposite of what you’re saying with your tone of voice, you’re utilizing sarcasm. One illustration would be stating, “Well, aren’t you smart,” when your youngster makes a stupid decision.
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Children are harmed by sarcasm because it feels humiliating. Sarcasm that minimizes a child makes it difficult for parents to interact with their kids in a meaningful way.
Reminding over old disputes.
Don’t bring up a problem or conflict again once it has been addressed. Children should be given the opportunity to start afresh from scratch. Children are being taught to harbor resentments for a long time by parents who constantly bring up their past transgressions.
Children must also understand that once a dispute is resolved, it fades into the past. A child will feel better about themselves if they may be encouraged more for future positive actions and decisions. And they’ll naturally be less inclined to make the same bad decisions they did in the past to attract criticism.
More than just self-esteem might have been lost.
Each of the above-mentioned bad parenting techniques might enhance your child’s defiant behavior in addition to having a negative impact on their self-esteem.
Children who suppress their emotions as a result of witnessing the parenting styles mentioned above may subsequently lash out in ways that are distressing and emotionally damaging.
Many kids and teenagers have opened up to me about their negative feelings and actions after experiencing parental hurt.
It’s one thing to ask a child how they would feel in your or another person’s shoes in a certain circumstance. But far too frequently, parents go too far and attempt to make their kids feel guilty for their feelings, thoughts, or deeds. It’s possible for parents to alienate their kids if they use guilt as a form of discipline.
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Own your actions so you can get control over them.
Saying, “I just won’t do it again,” is a common way to maintain a pattern of negative actions. Occasionally, slips could happen. When they do, talk to your youngster about these bad habits.
Parenting – Your interactions with your child have a significant impact on how they come to value themselves in life. You may encourage your youngster to do the same and build self-esteem by communicating in positive ways and modeling taking responsibility for your bad habits.
BEST BOOK: How to Quit Controlling Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Children: Brain-Body Parenting