The relationship between a parent and their child is meant to be unbreakable and irreplaceable. However, why do so many children want to grow up cut off from their parents? There are several straightforward but various explanations for this, including the fact that their parents constantly ignore and breach boundaries and never express regret for their wrongdoings. This list is ideal for parents who are experiencing similar things because comprehending these causes can offer understanding and chances for recovery!
You Never Stop Demanding to Be Correct
It’s normal for parents to think they’ve always done what’s best for their kids. It’s important to keep in mind, though, that your youngster can view the past differently. Try to understand their thoughts and acknowledge that your actions might not have been the best from their perspective rather than imposing your version of events.
You’ve never really expressed regret for the things that have hurt them.
It’s rather common for parents to make mistakes because they develop with their kids. Please don’t be afraid to apologize if you or your child went through something similar. According to Psychology Today, “Taking responsibility, empathetic behavior, and making amends are acts of humility, not humiliation; it’s a position of strength, not weakness.” Saying “Well, maybe you’re right” is one of its qualities. Perhaps in my upbringing or in our interactions, I overlooked something very significant in you. Together, let’s examine and resolve that.
You forbid them from having their own lives or from being independent.
Although parents always want the best for their children, there are instances when their actions suffocate them. Overly shielding your youngster from the outside world can breed animosity. They might feel trapped, suffocated, absorbed, or incapable of living their own lives as a result of the way you’re acting.
One of the main reasons your adult children could refuse to meet or communicate with you could be that they believe you don’t understand who they are now days. Unfortunately, this is mostly accurate. Once your children have flown the nest to start their own lives, they become unique individuals with own characteristics, routines, and interests. They wouldn’t feel connected to you now if you hadn’t been in their lives during those early years of adulthood.
You Disregard Their Limitations Constantly
Even from their parents, people require space. It would therefore be simple for your child to reject you if you consistently take up all of their time and invade their personal space. Recall that setting limits with a child can aid in improving self-esteem, managing conflict, and reducing anxiety and resentment.
You Pick A Side.
Raising numerous children must be far more difficult than raising just one, as parenting one child is already difficult. Tragically, it’s simple to start favoring one over the other when this occurs. As they become older, some of your children may wish to keep their distance from you because of your partiality or choosing sides, which breeds sentiments of injustice and animosity.
Certain parents find it tough to let go of their children because they find it hard to believe that they are already fully grown people. But parents, you best wake up and accept that this is all a part of growing up if you want to avoid having a terrible connection with your kids later on. Your children must choose their own path and grow from their errors. In addition, you are treating your adult children less than they deserve if you treat them like children all the time.
You Can’t See Clearly Into Them
Your children are individuals in their own right, and as adults, they have far greater knowledge of how the world functions than they did when they were younger. They must be given attention and heard. Therefore, you’re not really listening to them or trying to comprehend them if you interrupt them mid-sentence or declare you understand them just to say the opposite right away. The next time, give them your whole attention; if there are any aspects of what they said that are unclear, ask them to repeat or explain.
You Exercise Your Right to Take Liberties
You are, in fact, their parent. But it doesn’t mean you have the right to interfere with their life or their choices—especially if they’re grown adults. Though you can give your advice and support, you shouldn’t make decisions for them, especially if you don’t have their consent.
We recognize that not getting your child to listen to you can be quite irritating. But when this occurs, you should never use strategies like triangulation. One instance would be reaching out to them through their spouse or other siblings! Not only won’t it work, but it will exacerbate the already fragile bond you currently have with your adult children.
You dismiss them and criticize them.
It is difficult to comprehend why some parents find it shocking that their children detest seeing them now when they were such harsh critics of them when they were younger. “You’re overreacting,” or “It’s not a big deal,” are popular phrases that give the impression that a child’s feelings are not being taken seriously, according to The Wellness Corner. By treating your child in this way, you minimize their feelings. As a result, as adults, they will continue to feel cold and unapproachable toward you.
They are always hurt by your jokes and taunting.
Not all jokes and teasing are bad. But, your child-teasing can become abusive over time if it is based on insults, regardless of the age of the child. When you make jokes that make fun of your kids, they will definitely feel offended. Remember that some abusers frequently use so-called jokes and jabs to cover up verbal abuse.
If you disagree with something they’re doing, you immediately stop supporting them.
Your children will surely have their own thoughts, choices, and outlook on life once they grow up and become adults. Furthermore, it’s common for individuals to disagree with some of their perceived truths. But you should never dismiss them out of hand as a parent, particularly if you don’t know all the details behind their decision-making. By doing this, you will give them the impression that you don’t love them for that one decision alone, which will encourage them to put distance between you two.
You Refuse to Recognize That They Can Do More Now
Giving up one’s children is a natural yet difficult aspect of life. When it comes time to release their children into the world, parents experience fear, concern, and anxiety. Whatever your motivation, you must acknowledge that your children must learn how to stand on their very own two feet. Avoid hanging onto them so much that they begin to feel resentful of you for things they are unable to accomplish!
You Retain Enough Resentment
Everyone makes errors, and chances are good that your children did too when you were younger. But you’ve got to accept that as a parent and go on, particularly if they have made progress. If you are unable to accomplish this and you continue to harbor resentment when your children become older, they may become less patient and tolerant of you.
You let your drug abuse to interfere with your relationship.
Addiction to drugs or alcohol has a negative impact on the victim’s health. But it’s important to keep in mind that your family and children are impacted by what you do as a parent. If you used drugs or alcohol when you were younger and suffered as a result, the last thing you want to do as an adult is go over everything that happened when you were younger. They are going through a difficult period in their lives, and they may not want to go back to those times, particularly if they are currently successful in life.
You Believe They Were Not as Affected by Your Divorce
Children are particularly impacted by divorce since it often happens during their formative years, according to a National Library of Medicine study. As the marriage fails, the things they witness and go through shape how they see the world and themselves. Therefore, even though you, the divorced parent, feel that everything is well in your life, it may not be identical for your children. In their age, it could be difficult for them to truly embrace and connect to you because they are still experiencing the same trauma.
You weren’t aware that your new spouse or partner was treating them cruelly or meanly.
Relocating to a new relationship is another divorce-related concern. Sadly, there are a lot of Cinderella tales out there involving parents’ new spouses abusing or hurting their children. They may find it difficult to talk openly with their parents about these problems when they are younger. They may have even erected walls to avoid having to revisit their past since they have carried over their animosity into adulthood.
