Narcissists feel right to take advantage of others since they don’t care about how their actions impact other people. It’s crucial to establish clear limits with them because of this. These are seven successful strategies:
Don’t defend, explain, or justify oneself.
In order to make people doubt themselves, narcissists scrutinize or threaten others. They feel more in control and powerful as a result.
Setting boundaries includes having the freedom to choose what you want to share with other people. The less information you divulge, especially private details, the less a narcissist can use against you.
An invasive narcissist doesn’t require you to defend your feelings, ideas, or behavior. You can respond to criticism from a narcissist by saying something like, “I hear your point of view and I will think about that.” “I am sure in my choice” is what you should say if they doubt your activities. Say “We’ll have to just agree to disagree” or “That’s personal” if they insist on an explanation.
When it feels unhealthy, leave.
To leave a harmful interaction, you don’t need anyone’s consent. You decide what is beneficial for you, not other people.
“Look at the time: I’m late,” you can say after taking a quick look at your watch.After that, depart. Why am I late?It is irrelevant. You are always late for better self-care the longer you are subjected to abusive or controlling conduct.
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You can use your phone as a useful prop. No one can be certain if you have been called. “I apologize, but I must answer this call,” you say. Then go. Alternately, choose how long you want to spend with a narcissist and set an alarm on your watch or phone to go off at that time. Please excuse yourself when the alarm goes off. Alternatively, say something like, “I’m going to excuse myself,” to directly address harmful treatment. “This is not healthy,” or “We can talk later when you’re ready for a productive discussion.” I refuse to engage in this type of discussion.
Develop the skill of deftly avoiding invasive inquiries or critical remarks.
By simply responding to a new question, usually one that they hope they had been asked, skillful political spin doctors avoid challenging inquiries from journalists and advance their cause.
Likewise, if a narcissist asks an invasive inquiry, you might politely change the subject. Why intervene again if a narcissist possessing a history of questioning your personal relationships, professional decisions, or spending habits starts their well-known interrogation? Say something along the lines of “Those are the types of challenges that create character, aren’t they?” instead. Or change the subject to something the narcissist enjoys discussing. Find out what they think is the key to a successful relationship or the way they handled a challenging financial or professional decision.
Even though their responses could be cliched, at least they will talk about themselves, their favorite subject, rather than you. You might even get some inspiration. Additionally, skillfully changing a discussion can seem affirming.
Make a decision on what you can and cannot endure.
Knowing when and how to say no is a crucial part of establishing healthy boundaries. Consider what you are and are not ready to accept from other people. For instance, you might tolerate friendly banter yet dislike sarcasm. Strong opinions may be acceptable to you, but bullying and name-calling are not.
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Saying, “If you keep calling me names, I will end this discussion until you are determined to treat me with respect,” is one method to draw the line. You don’t have to elaborate. If a narcissist keeps acting aggressively, end the call or walk away. Regardless of what they say or do, don’t interact with them any more. Narcissists may use a variety of tactics if you set such limits, such as fighting, placing blame, downplaying your emotions, behaving like a victim, accusing you of being overly sensitive, or losing their temper. Although enduring these strategies can be unpleasant, your boundaries are unassailable.
Never undervalue narcissism’s influence.
Keep in mind that narcissists have dedicated their lives to learning how to exploit and denigrate other people. A strong psychological phenomena, narcissism is founded on skewed perceptions of oneself, other people, and the outside environment.
The majority of people find narcissistic strategies unsettling. Additionally, you might be conditioned to tolerate toxic conduct if you were raised by a narcissist or have been in an extended relationship with one.
Have empathy for yourself if you fail to establish appropriate limits in a particular circumstance. Decide what you would like to do differently the next time, then proceed. Setting boundaries is a continuous process.
Grasp the bully’s hold.
In an attempt to combat their deep, unconscious emotions of worthlessness and emptiness, narcissists need attention and acceptance. To find out what they may get away with, they so test continually.
Calling out the things they are doing is one method to meet this. Say, “Are you attempting to put me down or just make me feel bad?” for instance. or “I’ve noticed that you cut me off when I start to talk.”
Spoken in a matter-of-fact manner. Their reaction is irrelevant. Rest easy realizing that you have identified the issue and let it go at that.
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Keep in mind that appropriate boundaries involve repercussions.
Understanding what you are willing to do in the event that your boundaries are disregarded is a necessary component of setting them. The finest results come from having a comprehensive understanding of the consequences beforehand. Then, whenever a boundary is crossed, always take prompt, decisive action to enforce your selected penalty. You risk losing credibility if you don’t.
“No one can make you believe inferior without your consent,” – Eleanor Roosevelt.
