The Reasons Behind Our People-Pleasing behavior and How to Stop It? Everybody does it occasionally. We prioritize the needs of others before our own. It’s known as “people-pleasing” when we put other people’s happiness ahead of our own needs and desires. Some have dubbed it “the disease to please.”
We utilize it to avoid having to speak up for what we really want or risking other people’s displeasure. It’s a kind of self-neglect when we look to other people for approval.
People-pleasing has to do with what social psychologists refer to as “sociotropy,” which is the propensity to value relationships more than one’s own independence. A great demand for social acceptance is frequently associated with it.
Where People-Pleasing Originates?
Where does it originate? It is necessary for us to comprehend it before we can take any action.
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Some youngsters use pleasing other people as a coping strategy for connecting with parents who are unpredictable or rigorous disciplinarians, or who only show love under specific circumstances, according to psychologists.
People-pleasing is often a result of insecurity. If we find it difficult to justify our own wants and demands, we can look for approval from others. Our personal needs may seem insignificant or undeserving of love and respect.
It’s frequently the outward sign of a more serious problem that we haven’t fully processed, such insecurity or a history of abuse. By assisting, charming, or saving others, we are attempting to win approval and association. We can fear that standing out for ourselves will alienate other people.
Finally, abuse or trauma experienced as a youngster can contribute to people-pleasing inclinations. It may come easy to us to use other people’s approval to feel comfortable and secure.
All of these materials include worry and terror as common themes.
How to stop being people pleaser?
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Develop self-awareness.
The biggest transformations start when we view ourselves with respect and curiosity rather than condemnation and rejection. We can learn from our thoughts and feelings rather than unconsciously responding to them when we bring them into awareness. We can also become more aware of reality by being open to facing our own truths. By doing this, I was able to better control my need to please people and recognize when I wasn’t being helpful. It offered me the option to take several actions.
Recognize the significance of authenticity.
I accepted the reality that each of us is a unique individual. Rather than always following what other people want, we should be able to act truly and connect with who we really are and what we value.
Recognize that overdoing damages relationships rather than improves them.
My education taught me that being honest with myself and taking care of my share were essential to the wellbeing of my relationships. I discovered that overdoing for other people causes you to overfunction in your relationships, which then in turn causes others to underfunction. Despite my excellent intentions, they eventually made my relationships less productive as a whole.
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Develop the ability to let go.
It’s likely that you’re embracing what your abusers, harassers, or other negative individuals in your life think of you if you’re feeling trapped in the past and unable to move on from the past. You will never be able to reach your full potential if you don’t learn to let go of them. In order to stop living in constant fear of other people’s criticism, I had to develop the ability to get rid of all the awful things that others had said to me.
Start managing your anxiousness.
Making decisions out of fear prevents us from being loyal to our inner desires. We naturally encounter increased anxiety in our daily lives as a result of our impulsive, instinct-driven actions. I found that my connections with my family, friends, and myself were stronger once I learned to better control my natural desire to please.
Develop self-acceptance.
The process of accepting oneself is a continuous one, and it is up to each of us to initiate it. I was able to begin working on the project of being my best self after I realized and accepted my value.
Recognize that avoiding issues doesn’t lead to progress.
When issues come up in our life, we often respond by attempting to eliminate them and the emotions they evoke. I made every effort to prevent even the smallest pain or distress, which stoked my desire to please. Avoiding our problems and attempting to solve them right away simply makes matters worse for us later on.
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Conclusion
Living a free life, thankfully on your own terms, is something you can do at any time. It’s a sickness to try to please everyone. The only remedy is to learn to be who you really are, to advocate for yourself, and to say no. Make a commitment to yourself to begin right now. Tell only one person no in a polite and gentle manner.
It’s acceptable that not everyone will appreciate or love you for who you really are. You are powerful than you realize, and you can handle anything. Because you will discover that you really never needed other people’s approval in the first place if you quit pursuing it.
The genuine you is what the world needs, not another fake people-pleaser. So take a stand and show off who you really are.