People’s childhoods are greatly influenced by the way their parents and other caregivers treat them. Their behavior and attitudes have an effect on how young people view the world and themselves.
Even if you weren’t aware of it at the time, it might be difficult to recognize the early warning signs of an unhappy childhood because a lot of what occurs during this time is truly beyond our control.
We have a tendency to contrast our experiences with those of others as we mature and develop as individuals. We can determine to what extent we had good childhoods by making this comparison. Unfortunately, a lot of people discover that their early years weren’t as contented or serene as they had believed.
Some Indications That You Had a Difficult Childhood Without Being Aware
Childhood – When someone is emotionally abused, they may feel like a shell of their former self, cut off from their own self. A victim may also experience emotional pain and torture as a result of it.
You refuse to take assistance.
Since no one is an island, we all occasionally require outside assistance. However, some people find it difficult to ask for assistance because of their preconceived ideas about what it entails. Even if you weren’t aware of it at the time, a difficult time accepting help may indicate that you had a difficult upbringing.
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It’s conceivable that you had to learn to be independent at a young age due to your parents’ neglect. You learnt to care for yourself because you couldn’t rely on your parents to look after you. As an outcome, you may refuse assistance as an adult because you find it awkward to accept assistance from others.
It’s possible that your parents taught you believing that asking for assistance was a sign of inadequacy. You conform to their expectations by denying that you’ve ever required further help in order to get through your miserable upbringing.
You find yourself dismissing anyone who offers assistance since it’s difficult to get rid of that mindset now that you’re an adult. You are unwilling to take aid from others since taking care of oneself is a fundamental part of who you are.
You ignore your own feelings.
Ignoring your own feelings is another indication that you had a difficult upbringing but were unaware of it at the time. You most likely grew up to be contemptuous of your feelings if you were brought up in an emotionally dangerous atmosphere by parents who were incapable of processing their own feelings, much less those of others.
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Your sentiments were probably reduced or invalidated when you were a youngster, to a point where you suppressed them and buried them to avoid having to deal with them. A coping strategy that shows you were not permitted to express difficult sentiments as a youngster is repressing your emotions or minimizing how you feel.
The development of attachments in adulthood might be impacted by unresolved childhood trauma. Eli Hartwood, a therapist, said: “We encounter hurtful experiences in childhood which we have no idea how to process — regardless of whether that pain is covert, even if it’s just a parent who fails to look us in the eyes when we’re crying.”
According to Hartwood, our attachment styles and our parents’ emotional relationships have a lasting effect on us that extends well beyond our early years. “We make ourselves a story that gets us through that experience and the story that every individual tells themselves about their insecure attachment style with their parents is ‘it was not that bad,'” she continued.
If you find yourself denying your emotions or attempting to convince yourself that everything is fine when it’s not, it may indicate that you had a difficult upbringing and weren’t allowed the freedom to express yourself.
You’re meticulous.
Childhood is a time when mistakes are inevitable. After all, we learn by making mistakes. Some parents are tolerant of their children’s errors. They comprehend that in order to become a fully formed person, they must first learn how to fail. They serve as role models for their kids, teaching them moral behavior without condemning them or holding them accountable for their mistakes.
SEE ALSO: 7 Strategies to Become Stronger from Childhood Trauma
However, some parents are extremely judgmental of their children’s errors and create a dread of failure that persists into adulthood. It’s possible that your parents didn’t let you make mistakes without condemnation. Perhaps they showed their love in a conditional way, withholding their devotion when you acted inappropriately. It’s very likely that you assimilated that message and grew up to be a perfectionist.
Perfectionism, according to life coach Ellen Nyland, is “the relentless search of perfectionism and the establishment of unattainably high expectations, frequently driven by self-criticism and nervousness about failure.”
According to her, perfectionists fall into a vicious cycle where they set unrealistic goals for themselves and then believe the falsehood that they are worthless when they don’t meet them. They thus believe they are never good enough.
It takes effort and dedication to break the patterns of perfectionism. You must be kind with yourself if you want to let go of your perfectionism. You basically need to make amends, allowing yourself the freedom to make mistakes that the parents never gave you.
You over-explain.
Excessive explanations are a symptom of a difficult upbringing. It may be a sign that you were not trusted as a youngster if you have the need to defend everything you say and do. You did not learn to fully trust yourself since your parents doubted your beliefs and behaviors.
SEE ALSO: 12 Habits You Generally Acquired if You Were Not Loved as a Child
Rather than educating you to follow your gut, your parents taught you that you were incapable of making your own judgments. You doubt your desires as an adult, and you frequently feel powerless or undecided. You may even base your thoughts on the opinions of others.
An miserable upbringing where self-doubt crystallized and was carried into adulthood is often the cause of over-explanation.
You have a lot of independence.
People who grow up in hazardous homes frequently come to feel that they are their own worst enemies. It’s normal to become overly independent in response to emotional neglect and instability.
If you’re a hyper-independent person, you think you can survive on your own. You don’t want to be vulnerable since you could get injured if you do. You most likely internalized the message that those who were meant to keep you safe would fail you if you weren’t given enough protection or care as a child.
Being overly independent is frequently a result of unfulfilled demands in your early years. You put up barriers to protect yourself from being harmed again since it can be frightening to let people see the true you.
You suffer from imposter syndrome.
Even if you were unaware of it at the time, imposter syndrome may indicate that you had a difficult upbringing. Michele Moliter, a certified professional career coach, called impostor syndrome a “mysterious mind trap.”
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A negative feedback loop that tells you that you’re not good enough, that whatever success you’ve had is a mistake, and that eventually everyone will discover that you are an undeserving fraud is a common manifestation of imposter syndrome.
According to Moliter, imposter syndrome stems from emotions of inadequacy that may come from your birth family.
Imposter syndrome, she noted, is a common reaction to childhood, particularly when “Your guardians, parents, or family members may have appeared overly critical about you or put an excessive importance on being an excellent achiever.”
Despite all of your achievements, you may find it difficult to believe praises or accept praise because you don’t think highly of yourself. Imposter syndrome is difficult to overcome because the more we try to ignore it, the louder it becomes.
The first step to overcoming imposter syndrome is identifying when you start a negative self-talk cycle. One strategy to end the vicious loop is to tell yourself that you are deserving simply by being who you are.
You’re a people-pleaser.
Everyone is entitled to emotional and practical validation, but if you were not given it as a child, you may spend your adult life looking for it. Even if you weren’t aware of it until you were an adult, being a people-pleaser is an indication that you had a difficult upbringing.
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You try to avoid conflict and put other people’s needs ahead of your own as a people-pleaser, partly because you don’t think you deserve to take care of yourself. People-pleasers look for praise from others, a behavior they may have picked up from an unhappy upbringing.
Since the parents withheld love as a kind of discipline, children who grew up in a setting where love was conditioned frequently grow up to be people who want to make everyone else happy. Even while people-pleasing behavior has deep roots, quitting is still feasible. To heal, practice prioritizing yourself, saying “no,” and respecting your own boundaries.
You find it difficult to relax.
Even if you weren’t aware of it when you were younger, having a difficult time relaxing may be a sign that you’re overly watchful because of a bad upbringing.
Your home may have been tense when you were a child. Perhaps you were scolded by your parents whenever they thought your playing was “out of control.” Perhaps you were supposed to be quiet, composed, and serious at all times, and having fun wasn’t prioritized.
Anxiety in adulthood may result from a difficult upbringing. Because you didn’t feel secure or protected as a youngster, you may feel like you’re constantly on edge or anxiously awaiting the next negative event to occur.
Telling yourself that you’re feeling safe now is crucial to starting the healing process, even though hypervigilance is difficult to reverse.
